A Brief Q&A with my dog, Ceasar, a rescued rat-terrier mix and podcast mascot. You can hear him in multiple episodes of The Path to Authenticity. Follow him on Instagram, @kwaichang_official.

 

If your life were a novel, what would be the title?

Bitches for Days

 

Where were you born?

Honestly, I have no idea. I’m an orphan. Somewhere in China.

 

Where is the place you call home?

Miami

 

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

a buddhist monk

 

What is your profession?

VP of Entertainmet at a private production company

 

What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?

I used to be a pimp. I was good at that. I think I’d make a really great porn star.

 

What is your favorite quote?

“Kiss my ass.” I’m not sure who said it first.

 

What is your preferred form of creative expression?

barking

 

What is your favorite movie, song, and work of art?

Movie – The Hangover; Song – I Wanna be Your Dog, Uncle Tupelo’s version (fuck the Stooges); Work of art – not sure what it’s called. That painting of the dogs playing poker

 

Who do you admire most?

Toonces the Driving Cat

 

Over the course of your life, what is an issue with which you have repeatedly struggled?

No matter how hard I try, I still piss on my front feet at least once a day.

 

Who is your celebrity crush?

I’m a reader and I have a thing for strong women. If I had to narrow it down to two, I’d say Zerlina Maxwell, who wrote The End of White Politics, and Liz Plank, who wrote For the Love of Men. They’re both progressive, they’re highly intelligent, and they’re hot af. I’d sit on either of their laps in a heartbeat.

 

What historical figure would you most like to meet?

The guy who first said “kiss my ass”

 

What natural gift or ability would you most like to possess?

Sometimes, I wonder what it’s like to give a fuck.

 

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

It’s hard to explain. I wish I had a picture. But, once I was walking downtown, with my people. I had to drop a deuce. There was this pipe running up the side of this building. I got vertical and pinched one off, right on the pipe. It stuck. I still can’t believe it.

 

What quality do you admire most in a person?

I like people who like to be licked a lot.

 

What is something you would like to learn about?

how to walk on my hind legs

 

What do you wish more people knew about you?

I might come off all sweet and shit, but really I’m a cold, hard motherfucker.

 

What is your idea of success?

being surrounded by bitches and rawhide

 

What would you like people to say about you when you’re gone?

Nothing. Just STFU.